I am a 43 year old divorced mother of two fabulous teenage children and two equally fabulous miniature dachshunds. We live happily but messily in the Cotswolds.
I have a very busy life and am blessed with an incredibly supportive family and some very dear friends, I can genuinely say that I am very happy living my life , are there things that I would change, of course there is - I’d like a smaller bottom for a start and I’d love to be tidier than I am but fundamentally I am content and happy in the life that I have worked so hard to create since my rather acrimonious divorce in 2005.
Since my marriage break down there have been some pretty dark days and its travelling through those dark times that has led me to want to help others through theirs, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m living proof that not only can you can find it but the journey there can become your greatest gift, you can and will with determination and commitment go on to become the person that you were always destined to be.
My story started when I got married in 1998, age 22 to a tall, dark and very handsome Barrister 8 years my senior ; I knew I’d marry him from the moment I very first saw him , I suppose looking back it really was love at first sight ,he was everything I found attractive in a man and It wasn’t long before I fell head over heels in love with him and he me.
Within a couple of years we had what looked like the picture perfect life, we were married with two adorable children and a beautiful home in the countryside, we had everything I thought I always wanted or so I thought.
Over the years that followed I started to feel that we were not quite as destined to be as I had originally thought, and in 2005 after seven turbulent years of marriage we divorced and at the age of 29 the “being married”chapter of my life was over.
I stumbled into my “new life” completely disorientated trying to anaesthetise the pain of a broken heart and yes I really was completely broken hearted, out of consideration for our two children the details behind the breakdown of our marriage I will keep private and besides they no longer seem important, it is how I got through that time and the years that followed that I feel holds the most benefit in sharing.
I was no longer someone’s wife but I continued to be a mother, sister, daughter , aunt, sister in law, friend, employer and colleague; I’ve brought up my two children for the main part single handedly and there has been a lot of dark days and hard times along the way but it is those days that have given me the insight to be able to write this book from a place of compassion, empathy and understanding so for those times I am truly thankful.
I remember at the time of my marriage breakdown and my subsequent journey through the divorce process not really having anyone that I could talk to who truly understood what it was I was going through, I had a solicitor who did the legal bit, family and friends who would try to empathise and comfort me emotionally but unless you've experienced the process of divorce its very hard to know what kind of support a person really needs at any given stage.
Overnight I was faced with getting my head around the legal and financial process of divorce which was completely alien to me having no experience or knowledge of the legal system, I really was at the mercy of my solicitor.
There were times when I think all I really I needed was someone to reassure me that everything would be ok but there were other times when I really needed quite intensive support and guidance.
However that someone was nowhere to be found so I muddled through on my own hoping my solicitor would do the right thing by me and not leave me penniless in the process and now 14 years later I now work with clients to ensure that they have that same reassurance and much needed support that I know could’ve been of great benefit to me.
I suppose in many ways I have become the very person I wish I’d have known back in 2005 and it has felt like the most natural thing in the world to be that person who is there for others going through the same experience.
So I hope you enjoy reading my blog, please subscribe to receive the first chapter of my book "Seven stages to a drama free divorce" on Monday the 3rd of December where it all begins, with "Disconnection" !!!
Rachel x
