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But we have a family, mutual friends, a mortgage, a life together !


But we have a family, mutual friends, a mortgage, a life together !

No one ever said it was going to be easy, the dissolution of a marriage is like taking a house made of bricks, knocking it down and then rebuilding two separate ones from the pile of rubble.

life is not going to stay the same, friends may appear to chose sides but I believe friends and relatives will take their lead from you and if you have parted amicably then others will feel less need to take sides however if you put friends in the position where they feel disloyal for sympathising or communicating with your partner then you will cause them to make a decision as to where their loyalties should lie.

Quite naturally everyone around you will be invested in your relationship , those close will have formed bonds, friendships and may have genuine feelings of love for your partner and the announcement of your separation may leave those close to you feeling incredibly disappointed, even heartbroken.

Its also worth being mindful that whilst people genuinely care about you and your happiness they maybe on a very sub conscious level thinking about how the dissolution of this marriage will affect them.

In getting divorced you are embarking on creating a whole new life for yourself, whether that be your choice or not, and if that is whats happening you need to accept that there will be positives and negatives, some changes you’ll appreciate for example being able to watch what you want on tv, eat what you want when you want it and have the whole bed to yourself however there is also going to be negatives and you need to accept that if you’re going to survive this you’re going to have to get use to change and compromise.

My best advice to you is to embrace the positives and the negatives with the same gumption, resolute that this divorce will not ruin your life.

Back in 2004 I went from living in a beautiful seven bedroom farmhouse and not having to work to a 3 bedroom semi detached house and a full time job, so called friends disappeared overnight, invitations to dinner parties ceased to come my way and for a while it was really quite depressing but slowly and surely I accepted the change and invested my time in creating a new life of my own.

I didn’t try and hang on to the one I had, what was the point anyway, it didn’t exist anymore so I designed a brand new one and I can safely say that I love what I’ve created. 

So yes you may have a million reasons for why this separation/divorce can’t or shouldn’t have happened but it really could well turn out to be the very best thing that ever happened, for both of you.

I certainly have no regrets and if anything I feel blessed and truly thankful that life’s potter came into my life back in 2004 with his almighty sledgehammer and smashed my life to pieces because if he hadn’t I wouldn’t be the person I am today living the life I’m leading, for that I am so very thankful. hous