If You are the person who wants to save the relationship
This is so hard and so painful but you really must face the reality of the situation, no good will ever come from convincing someone they want and need you, if they don’t feel the same way you’re better off letting them go, the relationship will always be unbalanced and who would want to be with someone that saw you and your life together as a compromise, who are you fooling ?
Keeping someone prisoner in a gilded cage that you’ve created is no way for either of you to live your lives, that sounds harsh but in reality that’s what it is if your partner doesn’t really want to be there, if someone doesn’t value or respect what you have together then let them go, they may be the father or mother of your children and they will continue to be but just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should necessarily be with them or them you.
I understand that the natural instinctual reaction is to panic and do anything and everything you can to stop the ship you’re on from sinking but if you’re partner has already jumped ship and heading off into the distance on a lifeboat the very best thing you can is save yourself too and jump on the next.
How do you know if its worth saving ?
Relationship’s don’t need saving its the people in them that do so ask yourself these questions to try and explore what it is that’s really going on in this relationship dynamic-
Do you think your partner really wants to save the relationship?
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What do you think your partner is prepared to do to make this happen ?
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Do you really want to save your relationship ?
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What are you prepared to do in order to make this happen ?
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What are the most important aspects of your relationship are you trying to save ?
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Do you feel you may want and/or need something that you feel you’re not getting in your current relationship?
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W hat are the needs or desires that you don’t feel are being met by your partner ?
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Do you think your partner may want and/or need something that you feel you’re not getting in your current relationship ?
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What do you think are the needs and desires of your partner that are not being met by you ?
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Can and will you survive without this relationship in your life?
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Just exploring these questions honestly will help you to look at the relationship with balanced eyes and will also help you to look at the relationship from a birds eye point of view, seeing the bigger picture that your relationship is really painting.
The reality of the situation is that you no longer actually have the thing you’re trying to save, the relationship has changed as have the people in it.
You’re trying to save something that no longer exists as it once did and the new dynamic that has been created isn’t necessarily one that will serve you or your partner.
So its not about saving what you had, its really about can you together create something new, do you have the desire and determination to accept what’s gone and re-build ?
If you both are committed to doing this then you should consider trying to work through this but it will take both of you to commit to the understanding that it will take a lot of hard work, there’s no point in trying to do this without 100% commitment from both partners, otherwise you might as well quit while you’re ahead and bring the relationship to its close accepting it for what it is and start to redesign your new lives independently.
If you’re both committed but circumstances have just got in the way then try and learn by going back to where the disconnection occurred and make a conscious decision to work on those areas that you have exposed as needing attention at the point of disconnection.
