“I feel like we’ve grown apart”
So many people say this, we’ve just grown apart but what does that really mean ? You're living in the same house, sharing the same bed, you’re probably eating meals together, what is your partner really trying to say when that’s the justification for ending a relationship ?
I personally think this is all about an expression of unmet needs within the relationship born out of one or both partners themselves become disconnected from what once made them happy, just because something made us happy at one point on our lives doesn’t necessarily mean it will continue to, as to get older and our lives evolve so do our desires and tastes.
You may not have grown anywhere, gone anywhere, you may still be doing what you’ve always done, continued to love and support your partner as you did when you first met, so if it worked then why doesn’t it now ? Its sadly very simple either one or both or you or indeed the dynamic of the relationship just doesn’t inspire the other other as much as you or it once did.
Its like visiting the same place on holiday every year, for some they love knowing where they’re going and they feel reassured that their expectations will be met but for others they like to explore new destinations that will provide opportunities for the unexpected.
It really is that simple, we all at times crave something different than what we normally have, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the person or place we’ve grown to love it simply means we’re ready to experience something else, something different, that doesn’t mean necessarily better just different.
I always think If it was a rule that everyone had three marriages in their lifetime to learn all that the universe wanted us to learn in this lifetime about relationships and as a consequence you would spend a specific amount of time in each marriage we’d understand that was what was intended and we would naturally expect its ending at the given time and although potentially sad about its ending we wouldn’t see it as a failure because that was the arrangement from the start.
But that’s not the vow of marriage we take, its not a renewable contract, its a contract to love until death do us part, when marriages end its more often than not, unexpected, its not what we expected or thought would happen.
If you can try and rationalise the end of the relationship by accepting that you and your partner have learn’t all you both can from your relationship and now its time for you both move on and learn different things with or without someone else in the future then the process becomes easier to navigate, sadly this approach does fly in the face of marriage as a constitution but here we’re talking about the laws of the heart.
The reality is you’ve come to end of your journey together, some journeys are long, some short, some are complex and experienced with the same person and some are simple and the lessons are learn’t very quickly and easily.
However you choose to see it, the journey that was your relationship is over and the biggest favour you can do yourself is to choose to take with you all that was good in that relationship and feel blessed that you had such a good travelling companion but for your greater good and growth it is now time you accepted the situation for what it is.
How that journey ends may not be particularly pretty, your travelling companion may have left you sat in the car whilst he or she gets into another and it may be some time before you realise it but however it happens the outcome would have always been the same, you or your partner wanted to go in a different direction, you may not have been aware of it but that was the reality.
I always think of like this, no matter how heartbroken I may have felt at times I have always concluded that if the relationship has ended it was mean’t too and clearly wasn’t the right relationship for me to be in because if it were neither of us would want to commit to separating.
Obviously at the time you can’t see how this fits into the story of your life but it really is just a chapter in it, just like primary school , senior school, teenage years and middle age, but its not your life that’s coming to an end, its just a part of it; it maybe a huge part of it but never the less its just a part of it.
You will get through this, you will look back and one day not too far from now it will be something that happened in your past and you will be living in that future that you can’t for the life of you see or imagine now and this will all make sense, you just have to trust me on that one.
