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“Its not you its me”

“Its not you its me”

Especially when a third person is involved this sounds like a bit of cliche , the “its not you its me” explanation as a way of justifying their actions and to some extent there is a great truth behind this.

Its not you its me, and that really is simply the case, what people often seek in another is what they feel is missing from themselves hence why the classic middle aged man or wo- man tries to recapture their feelings of youth in the arms of a younger mate, it really is a case of hoping you’ll feel as young as the person you feel.

In a relationship or marriage we grow together, our lives are constantly changing and adapt- ing to our circumstances and in doing this we start to move away from the energies that may have initially attracted us to each other, for example a man might say “I loved her care free fun loving attitude towards life but then we had children and all that changed” well of course to some degree it would because the responsibility of having a child does change us and our priorities, our energies are needed elsewhere and the “fun loving and carefree “ part of us may be hiding under a basket of washing.

This quite understandably creates a sense of grief in our partner who initially was so attrac- ted to our carefree and fun attitude to life, he or she may understandably miss that person they met but probably not as much as she or he misses them.

So when you hear the words, its not you its me, they really are quite true, the person saying these words is missing a part of them that is no longer present whether that be because of a change in circumstances , a change in the dynamic of the relationship or simply a change in how they feel about themselves !

When I was younger I always preferred the older more successful man, I was attracted to their stability and liked the feeling of being taken care of, however as I’ve got older and stronger and more successful myself I no longer find I look for those qualities in a partner because I’ve found them in myself, what I feel I’ve lost is my youthful figure and abund- ance of energy so its no surprise that I now find younger men attractive, my tank of youth and energy needs filling and therefore I am drawn to people who have the capability to fill it.

Its very simple really and I know its hard to think of the situation as not personal because it is of course personal but the reasons behind the disconnection can help you to understand its occurrence, even if you can’t accept it you’ll at least understands the root cause.

See next blog for "I feel like we've grown apart" and what that really means...